I Am Not Me
by LZWarriorProductions
Summary: This is the story of Mossclaw, a warrior of LeafClan, and her struggles between light and dark. Tigerstar and the Dark Forest have entered her mind, making her do things she would never have dreamed of. Mossclaw's Clan blames her for her treachery, although she tries to tell them it's not her fault. What will become of Mossclaw?
1. Chapter 1

"Stormpaw, Finchpaw, and Mosspaw, please step forward," Snakestar called, the wind ruffling his black fur.

The apprentices padded out of the crowd. Finchpaw bounded over, clearly excited that they were finally becoming warriors. His golden fur was neatly groomed, as was Stormpaw's gray fur. Finally, Mosspaw padded out behind her brothers. She had groomed her white and gray pelt herself, insisting that her mother not do it for her.

"I, Snakestar, leader of LeafClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you as warriors in their turn." Snakestar paused to look at the apprentices. All three stood proudly, their eyes shining excitedly. "Stormpaw, Finchpaw, Mosspaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your lives?"

"I do!" Mosspaw yowled. She felt as if her entire life led up to this one moment.

"I do!" Stormpaw and Finchpaw echoed.

Snakestar gazed at them for another moment. "Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior names. From this moment on, Stormpaw, you will be known as Stormheart. Finchpaw, you will be known as Finchtail, and Mosspaw, you shall be known as Mossclaw. We welcome you as full warriors of LeafClan."

"Stormheart! Finchtail! Mossclaw!" the Clan cheered.

Mossclaw's former mentor, Rainfall, padded over. "Well done," she complimented.

"I plan to do everything I can for the sake of the Clan," Mossclaw promised.

"And I don't doubt you will," Rainfall said.

"In tradition of our ancestors, Stormheart, Finchtail, and Mossclaw must sit a silent vigil," Snakestar reminded them. The new warriors nodded and slipped out of the camp. The other cats padded to their dens.

 _I can't believe we're finally warriors!_ Mossclaw thought. The thrill of the ceremony still pulsed through her paws. She couldn't help but continue thinking of all the things she would be able to do as a warrior. She could fight in battles, and help train the apprentices, and maybe even get an apprentice of her own someday-

"You have big plans, young one," Mossclaw heard a voice say. She jumped to her paws. Mossclaw hadn't been expecting someone to speak.

"Did you guys hear that?" she asked Stormheart and Finchtail.

"No."

"I haven't heard anything."

"Are you sure that you didn't hear it? Someone said something! I heard them say it!" Mossclaw hissed through clenched teeth, peering into the forest around them.

"We didn't hear anything, Mossclaw." Stormheart said. "Anyway, there's not a scent of any other cat here except us."

Mossclaw opened her jaws and realized that Stormheart was right, and there was obviously no other cat here. _It's probably just all the excitement going to my head_ she tried to convince herself.

"No, we are actually here Mossclaw. Don't try to tell yourself otherwise," she heard another voice say. Mossclaw gasped and looked over at her brothers. They didn't seem to have heard that voice either.

 _Where are you? Who are you? Why are you here?_ Mossclaw felt the hair on the back of her neck rise.

"I am Tigerstar," the first voice said.

"And I am Hawkfrost," the second voice told her.

"We lived long ago, in a forest now forgotten," Tigerstar said. Mossclaw's vision of the forest went blurry, and suddenly she was in a forest different from the one she lived in by the lake.

She whirled around, and saw two large, dark tabby toms, one with amber eyes and one with icy blue eyes.

"Hello, Mossclaw," the one with blue eyes said. By his voice Mossclaw could tell that he was Hawkfrost, and the other must have had to be Tigerstar.

"Why have you brought me here?" she hissed when Tigerstar took a step toward her. She aimed a blow at his head, but Tigerstar easily dodged her claws.

"Naughty she-cat," he growled. As fast as lightning, he lashed out and scratched her ear. Mossclaw winced, trying not to let them see the pain and fear in her eyes. "Don't ever try that again."

"Why have you brought me here?" Mossclaw repeated. Her vision blurred again, and now she was standing in a forest different from the one she was just in. It was dark and reeked of fungi and blood. Tigerstar and Hawkfrost stepped out of the shadows. More cats emerged, seeming to materialize from purely darkness. Mossclaw was surrounded.

"Welcome to the Dark Forest." Tigerstar said.


	2. Chapter 2

"What? I'm not dead though!" Mossclaw protested. She knew about the Dark Forest, and how all the evil cats went there, but she didn't know why she deserved to be here.

"You will be if you keep talking!" threatened a dark gray tabby tom.

"We can't kill her, Darkstripe, remember? Unless you don't think the plan should go forward from here…" said a tortoiseshell she-cat sitting beside Darkstripe.

"Mapleshade makes a good point," Hawkfrost said, flicking his tail from side to side.

"What plan? What is she talking about? Why me?" Mossclaw said, panic rising in her voice.

"Because you are the only one who can help us," Tigerstar plainly stated.

"How can _I_ help you, of all cats? I'm not even evil! I can't-" Mossclaw was cut off.

"You don't have to be evil. _We_ do," Hawkfrost said sinisterly.

Noises filled Mossclaw's ears, of cats screaming, claws ripping at fur. She felt something hot and sticky at her paws, and when she looked down, a river of blood washed around her paws. She tried to get away from it, but it just kept coming. She looked for the cats that had surrounded her entirely earlier, but now Mossclaw was all alone, cruel laughter and the cries of kits ringing in her ears. Blood spattered her eyes, and she could no longer see. Mossclaw's vision went blurry, and she began to hear a voice calling her name, so faintly that she could barely hear it.

"Mossclaw! Mossclaw, wake up!" the voice called.

Another joined in. "Mossclaw, please get up!"

The voices grew louder, and Mossclaw realized that it was her brothers, Stormheart and Finchtail. Her eyes flew open and she gasped for breath.

"Mossclaw, you're awake!" Stormheart said.

"Finally! In the middle of the night you collapsed and started screaming about blood and this cat named Tigerstar," Finchtail sighed.

"What happened?" Stormheart asked.

Mossclaw remembered Tigerstar and Hawkfrost, the river of blood, the wails of the kits. She screamed and looked at her paws. To her surprize, there was no river of blood. Mossclaw could have sworn she could still smell the blood clinging to her fur.

 _Don't tell them. Keep it to yourself, or you'll get more than a scratch on the ear next time_ Mossclaw heard a ghostly voice say.

 _It can't be_ she told herself. Tigerstar couldn't have gotten _inside_ her head, right? How would he…

 _Keep quiet, Mossclaw. We're warning you,_ another voice, unmistakably Hawkfrost, said.

"It's ok if you can't explain it. Today's our first full day as warriors! Aren't you at least exited, Mossclaw?" Stormheart said, prodding her with one paw.

Mossclaw looked up and realized it was well past dawn, and the other warriors were already performing their duties. She scrambled to her paws. "Did I miss anything?"

"Not really. The good news is that Snakestar says we can rest for the morning, but then we have to go on the hunting patrol," Finchtail informed her.

"We just wanted to wait until you woke up again," Stormheart stood up and stretched. "I'm going hunting. What about you guys?"

"I was going to make myself a nest in the warrior's den and sleep, but if your idea of a restful morning is doing work, then so be it," Finchtail said as he padded into the camp.

"I think I'll do the same," Mossclaw told Stormheart as she hurried after Finchtail, not because she wanted to sleep, but she needed time to figure out what she should do. As she did, Mistkit, Silverkit, and Badgerkit ambushed her.

"We got you, Mosspaw!" squeaked Badgerkit.

"It's Moss _claw_ now, remember?" Mossclaw corrected them.

"I told you!" Silverkit swatted her brother over the ear.

"Mossclaw, can you show us some battle moves? Please? We _really_ want to learn how to fight!" begged Mistkit.

"Yeah, please show us!" Badgerkit repeated.

Mossclaw sighed. "Alright, I guess I could. Now, watch carefully." The kits sat down and watched wide-eyed as she lashed out, claws sheathed, then jumped and landed behind her imaginary opponent and lashed out again.

"Wow! Are we going to learn that when we become apprentices?" asked Mistkit.

 _The kits are bothering you, Mossclaw,_ she heard Tigerstar say.

 _Oh, StarClan, no,_ she thought. Tigerstar couldn't start controlling her now!

 _They are being little useless, bothersome scraps of fur,_ Tigerstar said. _They denied the fact that you are a warrior now, Mossclaw. Punish them, claw their ears until they scream, make them know that you are a real warrior!_

Mossclaw unsheathed her claws. She couldn't give in. The whole Clan would see if she attacked these kits. But the pull was too strong. Tigerstar forced her to step toward the kits and raise a paw over their tiny heads. Mossclaw bared her teeth.

 _What am I doing? Tigerstar, get out of my head!_ She lowered her paw and the kits scurried back to the nursery. Mossclaw hoped that no cat had seen what she had almost done, and she trudged back to the warrior's den.

Inside, Finchtail was curled up on a fresh bed of moss, and in the corner was a pile of it for her to build her own nest. Mossclaw scraped up some of it in her teeth and set it down next to her brother. She grabbed more, and soon she had a nest of her own. She climbed in it and lay down. After what seemed like a lifetime of dreaming of blood and the wails of her clanmates, Mossclaw woke up. The day slowly trudged by. Hunting was normally one of her favorite things, but this time it felt like checking the elders for ticks. She reluctantly went on a border patrol, but the walk around the territory felt like it took much longer than usual. The whole entire day her mind was pressured with the secret she was keeping, and Tigerstar whispering in her ear. Finally they made it back to the camp and she settled into her nest.

Mossclaw lay awake for most of the night. _They're coming for me,_ she told herself over and over again. _I'm powerless. Helpless. Defenseless. Tigerstar will be the death of me._


	3. Chapter 3

The night was filled with shadows and monsters, trees groaning in the wind. Mossclaw was relieved when it was finally dawn. She padded out of the den, nearly dragging her paws from tiredness.

"What happened to _you_? You look like you didn't sleep at all last night!" Rainfall said. Her former mentor had always woken up early, so it was no surprize to Mossclaw that the brown and white she-cat was awake.

 _I_ didn't _sleep last night, you mouse-brain,_ Mossclaw wanted to tell her. She didn't respond to Rainfall and kept walking, although she didn't know where she was going.

"Some way to treat you mentor…" she heard Rainfall mumble.

Mossclaw stopped and spun around. "You're not my mentor anymore, remember?" Her voice came out harsher than she had expected, making Rainfall's eyes widen in surprize.

Rainfall collected herself and turned her back. "Hm. I guess some cats had thorns in their nest last night."

Mossclaw opened her jaws to reply, but closed them. She turned and hurried out of the camp.

Once Mossclaw was outside the camp, she walked to the only place she knew she would be alone. She crawled under bushes, over beds of fallen leaves, and finally, through a thick barrier of brambles. In front of her was a small clearing with a single oak tree in the center. She had discovered this place when she was an apprentice, and Mossclaw had come back every time she needed to be alone.

Mossclaw sat down at the base of the tree. _What's happening to me?_ She asked herself. _First the kits, now Rainfall. I would_ never _attack kits, or yell at my mentor_ -

"But you did them, didn't you?" Tigerstar appeared in the shadows of the brambles and walked over to stand in front of Mossclaw. Hawkfrost followed.

"Why are you doing this?" Mossclaw choked out, standing up defensively.

"You mean why are _you_ doing this? _You_ attacked those kits, and _you_ yelled at your mentor. Don't hide from it, Mossclaw. You're one of us," The way Hawkfrost said it made Mossclaw's fur stand on end.

"That's not true!" Mossclaw was desperate now. She didn't want to be evil! She didn't want to become a cold-blooded killer like these cats! "You- you're making me do this! You get in my head! Get out of my head!"

"Be careful what you say, Mossclaw," Tigerstar warned her.

Mossclaw unsheathed her claws. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Cats are forgetting how to use their claws. It has been so long since the original Clans, ThunderClan, RiverClan, WindClan, and Shadowclan, that cats have forgotten all the great battles of the Clans, the blood spilled onto the forest floor, all the heroes of war," Tigerstar began. "I was once one of the most feared cats in all the Clans. Why? I had strength. I wasn't afraid to spill the blood of my enemies to teach them a lesson. My followers were loyal, willing to go into battle at my call. We were merciless to our enemies, and anyone who didn't join us could consider themselves dead. The new Clans need to remember who we are, before our memory fades away completely."

"You're despicable," Mossclaw spat.

"No, I'm Tigerstar," Tigerstar gave her one last sickening smile before disappearing with Hawkfrost.

 _It doesn't make any sense,_ Mossclaw thought, pacing at the foot of the tree. _Hawkfrost said that I didn't have to be evil, but am I turning into one of them?_ Just the thought of it made the hair on the back of her neck bristle. Mossclaw jumped at the slightest of sounds, thinking it was Tigerstar and Hawkfrost coming back.

Mossclaw paced back and forth until her paws were sore. She walked back to camp, tail dragging behind her and ears flattened against her head.

"Mossclaw?" the deputy, Snowstorm, called.

Mossclaw grudgingly padded over. "What is it?" she snapped.

Snowstorm paused, surprised by her tone. "Well, the kits are saying that you scared them last time you showed them battle moves. Could you, you know, try again? They keep begging _me_ to show them, but I thought if you did it again, they wouldn't be scared anymore."

Mossclaw sighed and flicked her tail in annoyance. "Fine."

"Thanks, Mossclaw. By the way, what did you do that scared them?" Snowstorm asked.

Mossclaw just turned away and headed to where Mistkit, Silverkit, and Badgerkit were playing.

Silverkit saw her first and ran to cower behind Badgerkit. Mistkit fluffed up her fur and growled, and Badgerkit just shrunk down onto the floor.

"It's alright, kits. I was just going to ask if you want me to show you some more battle moves," Mossclaw softened her voice. Just like Snowstorm, the last thing she wanted was for the kits to be afraid of her. Not just for future training purposes, but so that she could prove to Tigerstar who she really was.

Badgerkit was the first to respond. The tiny tom stood up and stared at Mossclaw. "You won't try them on us this time?"

"Yeah, last time you nearly clawed our eyes out!" Mistkit said, going to stand beside her brother. Silverkit got up and sat beside her siblings.

"I promise I won't get mad this time. Wait here." The kits all stared intently as Mossclaw grabbed a large clump of moss and set it in front of them.

"What are you going to do with _that_?" Silverkit prodded the moss with one paw.

"It's going to be my enemy," Mossclaw told the kits. She turned around and set the moss in a position where it would be easy to pounce on.

"Well I sure do feel sorry for that piece of moss," Mossclaw heard Mistkit whisper to Badgerkit, receiving a cuff on the back of the head from her brother.

"Be quiet! Mossclaw can probably hear you!" Badgerkit whispered back.

Mossclaw smiled and turned back around. "Ok, kits. Watch." Mossclaw backed away from the moss and got into a hunter's crouch. She pictured the moss was Tigerstar, and she could finally get your revenge. She crept forward, and pounced, landing squarely on top of the moss and earning the surprised gasps of the kits. Mossclaw unsheathed her claws and began to shred the moss with all her power.

 _Take that, you worthless piece of fox-dung!_ She thought as she ripped the moss to shreds. She could see the kits becoming scared in the corner of her eye, but she did not stop. _Get out of my head, you retched, flea-ridden monster!_ Mossclaw continued to claw the moss, and she could almost feel Tigerstar's fur beneath her claws.

"Mossclaw! Please stop! You're scaring me!"

"Mossclaw, you've torn the moss to shreds! Please stop!"

"Please, Mossclaw! You're scaring us!"

Mossclaw stopped and stood up. She looked at the moss, which was now barely recognizable. It was tangled in a heap, ripped and shredded by her claws. Mossclaw turned and looked at the kits. They were again cowering on the ground.

Mossclaw took a step toward them, but they just scurried farther away. She stepped back and retreated to the warrior's den. As she walked, she caught a glimpse of Snakestar glaring at her from his den, but she pretended not to have seen him.

Mossclaw dropped into her nest and began sobbing. Tigerstar had gotten into her head. Those kits used to love when she showed them battle moves or played moss-ball with them, and now they were afraid of her, and it was all Tigerstar's fault.

The den soon grew dark, and the other warriors came to rest in their nests. Shadows loomed through the den, but one peaked Mossclaw's interest. It was Stormheart's shadow. It would flicker around, creating stripes, then when it touched _her_ shadow, it would flicker back to normal and disappear. It would appear, flicker, touch her shadow and disappear. Soon, Mossclaw's eyes began to droop, and eventually fell asleep, still wondering about her brother's shadow.


	4. Chapter 4

"Good morning, Mossclaw!" Finchtail called from across the clearing.

 _Nothing's good anymore,_ she wanted to tell him, but Mossclaw held her tongue. She stretched outside the den and padded to where Snowstorm was organizing patrols.

"Redleaf, you take Foxclaw, Blacktail, and Leapordspot on a hunting patrol, and Stormheart, later you can take Grasspaw, Brackenpelt, and…" Snowstorm looked around and noticed Mossclaw. "And Mossclaw on the dusk patrol."

The warriors nodded and left. "Great," Mossclaw growled under her breath. "Now I'm stuck patrolling."

 _Then why did you go over there?_ She asked herself. Mossclaw sighed and padded to the entrance of the camp. She needed to get away from everyone. By the time she made it to the fern tunnel she felt more trapped than ever in the camp.

Soon she found herself standing by small pond. Mossclaw sat down and stared at her reflection. For the first time, she noticed how weary she looked. She had not groomed her fur nearly as often as she should have, and her eyes looked dull and lifeless.

"Mossclaw?" she heard a voice say. Mossclaw whipped around and found herself facing Finchtail. "Are you ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Mossclaw snapped. "Leave me alone," she said, turning away from her brother.

"That means you're not fine. Is something bothering you?" Finchtail scooted beside Mossclaw.

"None of your business," Mossclaw growled. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Couldn't he see that Mossclaw just wanted to be alone?

"You know you can talk to me, Mossclaw. What's wrong?" Finchtail tried again.

"Just leave me alone!" Mossclaw launched herself at Finchtail and scratched him with unsheathed claws. Finchtail threw her off. Mossclaw scrambled to her paws and faced him again. Finchtail was in an attack crouch, his cheek was bleeding badly, and a gash in his shoulder did not have much promise of healing.

Mossclaw snapped back to her senses. Why had she attacked him? Finchtail hadn't done anything wrong! "Finchtail…" Mossclaw took a step forward.

Finchtail stepped back and hissed. "You attacked me! You…"

"No! Finchtail, I just-"

"Don't deny it, Mossclaw. You are dangerous. Don't try to pretend nobody saw you try and attack those kits, or how you're always acting like everyone in the Clan is you enemy. You're hiding something, Mossclaw, and you can't keep it a secret forever."

"I… I can't… I can't tell you. I'm sorry, just please, don't tell the Clan about this," Mossclaw pleaded.

Finchtail stood up and glared at Mossclaw. "This is your last chance. Don't let me down, Mossclaw," he growled. Mossclaw watched as he turned and disappeared into the bushes.

Mossclaw slumped down onto the forest floor. She looked up at the branches swaying above her head, the sky just visible behind them. _What did I do to deserve this?_

She looked back at her reflection and was shocked to see Tigerstar's amber eyes staring back at her. Blood stained his fur, and he growled. _No… I can't be turning into him!_ Mossclaw bared her teeth and unsheathed her claws. She lashed out at the reflection, causing ripples in the pond. Water splashed everywhere, soaking Mossclaw's fur. Soon the water cleared and her reflection went back to normal. _I will never be like you, Tigerstar._

 **Sorry about how short this chapter was. The next one will be longer.**


	5. Chapter 5

Mossclaw padded back to the LeafClan camp and sat down outside the warrior's den.

 _I can't go on like this for much longer. I tried to attack innocent kits, Rainfall is skeptical about me, and now I've lost Finchtail's trust. All because of the voices in my head._

 _I've grown too familiar with them,_ Mossclaw told herself. "I hate Tigerstar. I hate Hawkfrost. And I hate myself for listening to them." She growled to herself.

Then Mossclaw saw something that she knew couldn't have been real. Tigerstar himself padded into the LeafClan camp with the rest of the hunting patrol. Mossclaw gasped and blinked, but Tigerstar was still there.

 _This is all his fault!_ Mossclaw unsheathed her claws and watched as Tigerstar padded into the center of the camp, his amber eyes glowing. _It's all his fault!_

Mossclaw dashed across the camp and bowled Tigerstar over in a haze of red fury.

"Mossclaw, what-" Tigerstar started.

"It's all your fault!" Mossclaw screamed at him. She battered his head with unsheathed claws and scratched at his back. Tigerstar tried to fight back, but his attempts were feeble. Mossclaw clawed at his throat.

"Get out of my head!" she yelled at him.

"Mossclaw, stop!"

"What are you doing?"

"He's going to die!"

Her Clanmates yelled around her, but Mossclaw didn't stop. She sank her claws deeper into Tigerstar's throat and leaned towards his ear. "And when you get back to the Dark Forest," she growled, "tell Hawkfrost, and all of your evil, malevolent friends, that they should be scared of me."

She released her claws and Tigerstar went limp. Her anger faded, and a cold sense of dread gripped Mossclaw's entire body. This cat didn't have dark brown tabby fur. His fur was gray. And his eyes weren't amber. They were blue. He wasn't Tigerstar. Mossclaw's paws were stained with the blood of her brother Stormheart.

Evil laughter filled her head. "Well done, Mossclaw." Tigerstar whispered. "You're one of us now."

Mossclaw barely felt it as Finchtail knocked her over. Tears streamed down his face as he screamed at Mossclaw and clawed at her bloodstained fur. But Mossclaw didn't feel any pain. The cries of her Clanmates as they dragged Finchtail off of her were silent, and Mossclaw didn't mind as she watched her own blood trickle down the slope and spread through the camp.

A single tear fell from Mossclaw's eye as she looked at her Clanmates one last time.

 _It doesn't matter anymore,_ she told herself. _It doesn't matter._ Mossclaw closed her eyes, and everything went black.

"You're one of us now."

"You are dangerous."

"Please, Mossclaw! You're scaring us!"

The darkness faded away and Mossclaw found herself standing in a forest full of shadows. Blood tainted the muddy water in a nearby stream, and the screams of her clanmates echoed in her ears.

Mossclaw knew exactly where she was, but she didn't feel the same sense of fear and despair as she did the first time she was here. This time, she was satisfied.

 _I can do what I want here._

 _Tigerstar can't get into my head anymore._

 _I'm free from my curse._

Mossclaw grinned and unsheathed her claws.

 _I'm one of them now._


End file.
